Your sense of self worth is in the other persons hands when you are a people pleaser.
You will do things for other people, shape shifting depending on who is in front of you, and you will stay in conversations you don’t want to be in.
People pleasers want to be nice - niceness is the psychological armour of the people pleaser.
Over functioning people pleasing is:
doing too much for other people
in order to seem nice and altruistic
you will attract under functioners
those around you will begin to under function
you train people how to be around you
If you are chronically overdoing, over giving, over helping - you are teaching others they don’t have to do it themselves.
The pay off for you is get a hit of “I’m wanted, I’m needed” - or I matter, I am worthy.
The impact on others:
it prevents them from having their own growth
The impact on you:
no time for your own pursuits
resentful of others
burnout and overwhelm become normal
With children:
if you take your hands ‘off’ as your kids grow and let them have their own experiences and opportunities for growth, if you're in there taking over everything, they don’t get to have their own experiences.
Get your power back (and save your life)
first you must understand that you are worthy for who you are being not what you are doing
get present with just how much impact this has and what it costs you, the inability to say no, the inability to put down a boundary - look everywhere across the board at what it’s costing you.
get present to the impact on yourself and others
give your self permission to say no
say No - the first time you do it’s the first time you tell someone who you are, what you will except, what’s yours, whats not yours (practising saying no) - set yourself a challenge to set no more and more often
notice
the pregnant pause - make it an obvious pause - so they notice and you notice
screw justifications - don’t justify your no because it will give people wiggle room to squeeze in there and get a yes out of you
go really easy on yourself, as this is core patterning and core identity, you start to feel all sorts of feelings when you challenge these things, and give yourself lots of praise along the way
And above all else, deeply understanding that you are worthy even when you say No to someone, will help you let go of the people pleasing and get back to the people loving.
~ x
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